Week 1

I won't be doing this by weeks... probably, but I thought I'd give you guys a run down about the first week's happenings, both good and really really horribly bad...I'm not exagerating either.. there is a horribly bad.
So,
last monday (the 30) I hadn't slept more than 4 hours since I was super anxious! The Doctor had told me I would probably come in that day so I woke up at 5 and had no more sleeping that day even though I called in at 6 to see if they'd have room for me that day and they told me NO. (how rude) so I called back a few more times through the day, and finally let myself sink into the despair that was one more day of being absolutely enormous. I called my family one last time at 8 and slid into bed at 830, tired and disapointed but hoping that going to sleep early would at least bring the next day by quicker.
9 pm, my phone rings and I'm told that "if you would like to come in tonight that would be fine, or you could wait until tomorrow if you would rather do that" ARE YOU KIDDING! :)
Drew and I finished packing our things up, got in the car and arrived 30 minutes later, and after getting all set up, the pitocin drip started at 1030. I was already contracting at 3 minute intervals when i went in... I had been all week and they were all so shocked. I had been contracting like that for a week at a 4 and I was 80%... super big bummer. (but who cares now right?)
my contractions got stronger through the night and started making a change but since my uterus is crazy I didn't feel any pain at all, just discomfort, until all of a sudden my pain scale went from a 0 to a 4 or 5. That sucked. They promptly saw how much pain I was in (that i wasn't being a baby my pain really just came out of nowhere and it came hard) and that i was progressing and sent in the wonderful man who gave me an epidural in one and a half minutes flat. Ps. it totally doesn't even hurt more than a normal shot would, it's just startling to feel it in your back not your arm.
Labor progressed and then after a sleepless night (another one) our Adorable (and i'm serious i'd fess up if I had a funky looking baby, this kid is a cutie with no cone head, no smushed nose, and TONS of hair) little Porter Douglas Whiteley was born at 7:16 am on August 31, 2010 weighing in at 8 lbs 3 oz and was 20 inches long.
That first day was exhausting and so much fun with the visitors, it's kind of bitter sweet because you want to see everyone and you want everyone to see him  but it wears you out too... So that night after everyone had left the nurse was in our room going over things about newborn babies and such when we realized Porter wasn't breathing... he could breathe out, and out, and out, but not in. I flipped. The nurse just picked him up, suctioned some crap out of his mouth, got him breathing but said she wanted to make sure his oxygen levels were good, so she took him to the nursery for a little bit. (I also saw that on my chart she basically wrote that I was upset so she took him away.. I was ok, just shaken that my brand new not even a day old baby choked on mucus and couldn't breathe without intervention.
She showed me how to suction it out, said unfortunately it's common in new babies (why did no one warn me) and left it at that.
That night I wanted to have him in my room, you know all the pressure to room in with baby because then you can get used to taking care of them while there is help, and I was totally cool with that. I wanted to be able to feed my baby when he wanted and not when the nurses got around to bringing him in. (turns out they're actually pretty good about it and everyone just scares you) ANYWAYS
so that first night he kept choking, not badly,but enough for me to have to use the little suctiony bulb they give you. and then of course every little coo or sleep noise he made scared the crap out of me. so after a few hours of this and me on 48 hours without sleep I was just crying uncontrollably and terrified he wouldn't make it through the night because I'd probably fall asleep and not be there to suck out the crap. So I finally gave in, shamed myself for being a bad mother and had them take him to the nursery and bring him in for feedings.
He ended up having his bed elevated and I was reassured that It is normal and "babies are more resiliant than you think" which was nice information but still not super comforting.
We went home wed night where I was nearly having panic attacks from stress, so when I got home Janae and Stu came over with their kids and Drew and Stu gave me a blessing. we let Porter and Sammi "play" for a little while and then they left and I reluctantly went to bed. the night went alright, he choked a few times but I handled it and they weren't even that bad. I probably didn't have to do much to help but I did just because...  although I didn't sleep very well when he did because I was nervous something would happen.
Then morning came.
Porter had some crap in his mouth so I suctioned it out, bundled him tight in the burrito wrap (which at this point he had yet to get out of) and i laid him back to sleep. I rolled over, cuddled drew and for some heavenly reason was told to check him. I flipped over fast, saw my sweet baby OUT of his wrap, thrashing around, back arched, and face purple.
I grabbed him fast, got the bulb and tried to stick it in his mouth, no go, he'd clenched his mouth shut and was now getting bluer by the second. I tried to put my finger in his mouth and eventually decided either I hurt his jaw or let him suffocate so i shoved my finger in, turned him on his side suctioned a little patted his back suctioned more and by the time he was eerily blue he finally realized he could breathe and slowly slowly started getting color back in his face.
Yes that was the worst moment in my entire life.
to have the realization that if called, there is no way an ambulance could get to us in time to save him, so it's up to me, it is so terrifying, but it did the job to kick me into gear, have me not panic and just take action.
Heavenly father knew that was the last I could take and I'm so happy to announce after that I only sucked out things he coughed up himself and I did out of his comfort, not his survival.
Since then everything was alright, I was stressing myself out with worry over everything and I had my wonderful mother come up and stay with me saturday and sunday while drew was at work which did incredible things for me because she got me snack food (because of me stressing over everything i had lost my appetite and basically stopped eating so my milk supply actually started decreasing and I had to give him a bottle which killed me inside) she helped me clean the house so that since then I've been able to keep it clean because we've kept on top of it, and when I started fretting about (get this) the frequency and the texture of his poop, she called my aunt who has 5 children under 9 and has a pediatrition for a husband and not only did that ease my worries, but she gave me wonderful advice as to how to go about my day. We now thankfully have put Porter on a routine (not a schedule) Which is basically During the day he wakes up, I feed him/change his diaper then we have awake play time with him where I generally sing to him, do funny little baby games and tell him nursery rhymes. I've read him books too but he doesn't really know what is going on with that because he likes to look at people much more than books right now. then He sleeps and it starts all over again. for the most part I've been pretty good at it.

Now I know this is crazy long but I just want to tell you a bit about him :)
He really is a wonderful baby. Most people say that newborns are "good babies" but really he honestly is. He wakes up to eat when he's hungry (I don't ever have to wake him up because he's gone too long) He Is so wide eyed when he's awake It's amazing! i've never seen a newborn keep their eyes open as much as he does. I mean after the labor instead of sleeping, he just looked around for 3 to 4 hours. He likes quiet to get to sleep but once he's out, within reason you really don't have to be quiet. He never fusses for no reason, we actually figured out that he's just gassy (which doesn't make him fuss it just makes him stop eating frequently and I was getting frustrated until we figured out he just needs to burp a good 3 or 4 times a feeding.) but really if he's awake he's happy to just hang out if his needs have been met. He smiles like crazy which I know they don't do it consciously, but he doesn't do it because of gas, and I swear he does it in response to some situations which ends up being completely appropriate. He already kicks the blankets off and swaddling him has no purpose anymore besides to keep his hands out of the way while he nurses. He loves to sleep with either one or both arms straight up. he coos while he sleeps, and he makes HILARIOUS faces all the time. He knows me, I mean it make sense but I mean he really does. He is comforted by my voice, he loves to be held by me and He's getting used to dad ( he was wonderful with drew but then drew worked four 10 hour days and now he's a little less used to him but it's changing back after even one day... it would be better if drew hadn't have spent the entire day... oh sorry almost the entire day playing video games online...that's another story) and he doesn't like baths very much but instantly calms down when you run that water over his head. ps. he's got crazy curly hair when it's wet, but it flattens out when it's dry.
also his hair! oh my heavens! we thought for sure it was going to be dark like mine, but no. It's drew's color but with deep red undertones with blonde in there as well. Crazyness. I can't wait to see what color his eyes will be but for now we call them alien eyes because you can barely see any white even though they're crazy wide open.
needless to say I love him. I can't stop going on about him, and If you seriously finished this all in one sitting then you're amazing and I'm so proud to call you my friend :)