Tuesday, July 23, 2013

The Hectic Arrival of Addilyn Rae

I had been back and forth about induction for a million selfish reasons, and a few real ones for a while now. I was sitting at 5cm dilated and talking with my midwife about what I should do and I finally decided that IF the hospital was free and clear the next day, I would go in. if it was busy, then I’d happily take that as a sign and stay home.

Friday, July 19 I call the hospital who tells me they aren’t busy, and to come straight in.
Drew and I walk in the hospital, get checked in, and start getting settled in my room. My nurse was just doing her job, but she obviously didn’t know my plan, and she obviously was out of her comfort zone when I stood up for what I wanted. She tried to get me hooked up to an IV, but I told her that I believed it was agreed upon that I’d just get the hook up in case I needed it. She tried to tell me that without Pitocin, I would sit there in a hospital bed without contractions. I replied (nicely) back that since the plan was to break my water to start contractions, we’d just start with that. She reluctantly agreed and went to get the equipment.  
Julie (my midwife) was in the or with a patient who was delivering her twins, so she had the on call ob come and break my water to try and bring on labor. I was instructed that Julie was going to go to an appointment and she’d be back either when I called her or in a few hours when my contractions were picking up.

Well contractions came and went and since I was prepared to use hypnobabies, I popped in my headphones and went to work focusing and relaxing through each pressure wave/contraction. Drew was worried and kept a keen eye on the monitors (which hated when I was doing anything but sitting still in bed). I don’t know why they let us come into the hospital because they obviously were shorthanded for the amount of babies they were delivering that day. My nurse only came in to check on me at first and once to leave a bag of Pitocin on the counter reminding me that if I wanted Julie to deliver my baby, I only had until 5 that afternoon to do it. (I knew she had a prior engagement beforehand, but I was pretty dang confident that my second labor would be shorter than my first which would put me HOURS under the time limit to get Julie.) She then said that they had better pick up or I’d have to get hooked up. The pressure got more intense, but I was calm and able to easily focus and get through them without any pain at all.

 After a while, the baby’s heart rate went down really low on one contraction, and then just normally low on the rest. This is normal, but Drew didn’t know that, and the poor man was sitting there watching me, at a loss of how he could do anything, without anyone there to ask questions to so he started asking them to me. This of course, broke my concentration, and wham bam all of a sudden things started to feel much different. Drew tried to call for a nurse, but no one came. Finally after him freaking out (again understandably so) and I had to try to calm him down which in turn made things worse for my stronger and harder waves I finally told him that I couldn’t do this and I told him that I needed something to kill the pain. I was so sad and at such a loss that without support, with me having to reassure someone besides myself, and without help from a nurse or anyone who actually knew what they were doing, then I was doomed.

When drew was FINALLY able to find the nurse (the lady at the counter was on the phone and could not be disturbed) I told her that I needed to be checked. If I had not progressed, then I would concede and get the epidural. I was at an 8. Smack dab in the middle of transition. She called Julie who was just leaving to come anyway, and then she came to help me. Finally. At this point I was losing myself with each contraction. The intensity and power of my body honestly was getting to be more than I knew how to handle without the focus and concentration I had planned on with hypnobabies. (seriously… should have got a doula). My nurse came over during one of them and pushed on my knees, putting enough pressure on my hips through that motion, and it gave me something to hold on to. Drew finally had a job, he finally had someone to ease his worries, and I was able to find ways to take attention off of what was happening. I found that moaning and screaming helped SO much, but not because it hurt (although it hurt. By this point the pain was insane and like nothing I’ve ever experienced) but because it gave me something to focus on besides the pain. So each contraction/wave I took ice chips in my mouth and started crunching, had drew run over and shove my knees towards me, and I covered my mouth and screamed (so as not to disturb anyone else and again to have something to focus on that would trump what was going on in my abdomen).

I had the nurse check me again when I felt like something else needed to happen. I didn’t feel like pushing per se, but I wanted to be doing something productive. This sitting here and trying to get through contractions wasn’t satisfying me at all anymore. The nurse said I had a lip of cervix left and that I couldn’t push because yada yada the cervix could swell up. BULL. I’m a reader. I’ve read an insane amount on labor this pregnancy and EVERYTHING I’ve read says that when there’s only a lip left, it can be very likely that pushing with someone pushing the lip out of the way can be at least attempted and then backed off of if things start to look wrong.

She kept saying not to push, and I kept saying ok, but still slightly pushing to see if it felt better than a contraction. I started second guessing myself and asked the nurse for just a little bit of fentenal to take the edge off until I could push. She pushes the nurse call button and the person on the other end couldn’t hear my nurse and kept asking “what was that? I can’t understand you, what? What was that?” while the speaker was right in my ear during an insanely strong contraction. I actually yelled at my nurse at that point saying never mind, I didn’t care, just make her shut up.

Julie walks in and the air comes back in the room again. I feel like I no longer have to be the one to fight for what I want, I have a knight in shining armor. She slips on the gown as she’s informed that I have a lip left, she starts ignoring the nurse, turns to me and tells me to listen to my body.

I could have kissed her.

I push a little at the end of that contraction, and Julie asks if I want to push in the position I am in or not. I tell her no, and I’d like to turn over.

One contraction is spend on my side. I flip over on my stomach, head just over the upwardly reclined bed, gripping the top, and then I get another contraction where I actually start pushing. Things take off on their own and I feel her moving downwards. I get a ten second break where I feel like pushing between a contraction, and I do. The next one hits and I feel her moving down, down, down and then a pop. No ring of fire, just a pop.  2 second break. A little more pressure and another pop as my sweet husband grabs ahold of her shoulders with Julie and brings her into this world.

I collapse on my stomach without the strength to turn around and look at my new daughter and I hear my wonderful husband try to tell me, his voice catching in his throat “sam, she’s so beautiful!” he was in complete awe. That in itself was more rewarding than seeing her actual face. After about a minute I find the strength to turn around and I’m handed my little girl.
After another minute the cord stops pulsing and Julie had drew cut that as well.
We only had one hiccup where the nurse without me even noticing hooked me up to Pitocin and Julie noticed and got after her and told her to stop, that she only does that if there is a problem, and with me there was obviously no problem.

I gave drew the reins on naming her while we were in the nursery.
Addilyn Rae.

I’m so dang in love. 

Saturday, June 29, 2013


Did you know that even though I haven't been blogging, life has gone by terribly quickly?
I'm within 30 days of my due date (although I still think she could come after the due date like her brother) and I'm getting a little on the large side. I actually bought an exercise ball today so I can sit on it and give my poor poor pelvic bones a rest.

Also, since I'm having a girl, I'm pretty fond of hair accessories to show off the fact that she is indeed, a girl.

Pintrest has been one of my best friends. So has my glue gun, and my thread and needle. I've known how to sew a long long time, but I've never really utilized the skill before, unless I was making a blanket.
I'll be linking all the tutorials I've followed under the picture of the actual thing I've made in case you'd like to do it as well :) Since I'm bragging and all...

This pregnancy I've made
 A Carseat Cover

Here's How although I only kind of followed along.. I just got the jist of what she was doing and did my own thing.

a Nursing cover (that I don't have a picture of, or a tutorial.. I just figured it out on my own.

Newborn baby circle skirts

Here's How and they are SO SO SO easy!!! It took me maybe 15 minutes per skirt?

Burp Cloths

No tutorial for this. I just cut out a bunch of flannel fabric at around 10in x 17 in or so, put the right sides together, sewed around the edges leaving a gap on one side, flipped the right sides out and sewed around the edges to close up the gap and give it a finished look.

and Bows.
 Lots and lots of headbands/bows/fabric flowers.
For this I kind of sort of figured it out myself, but this is mostly how I did it. although I just used my glue gun and then when it looked wibbily wobbly I cut off some height to make it more even. (here's how)
 I really had fun doing this because it's actually pretty easy. the hardest part is finding a way to cut so many circles out. I didn't buy jersey fabric, I just cut up an old high school t-shirt, but it looks darn cute to me
(here's how)

 These are super easy, and as you can tell I got better as I practiced. (here's how) You can either attach them to the band or put a clip on them
 This wasn't my favorite to make, it's hard, it takes a long time, and as you can see I kind of gave up at the end. It still looks cute, but I'll probably choose other things over this one. The instructions are just off a pin picture, but here's what I had. (here's how)
 This one I just followed what you did for the petals for the one above, but instead of sinching the side, I just pulled the bottom together, tied a knot in the thread so it wouldn't come apart, then sewed up the side (you can barely see it's a crease) and tied that off.
 These are some of my favorites! (Here's how) although I just put felt on the back and put a clip on it instead of sewing it onto a Headband.
I've posted the tutorial for these before, but they're SO easy! I did this for super saturday (a church craft activity day) and the ladies picked it up quickly. (here's my how with a link to the original tutorial)
These are super duper easy as well! Drew thinks they look like rolled up socks....silly boy. I think they're adorable. (here's how)

I plan on doing even more... because I'm crazy. but the cost of making your own by FAR outweighs the price of buying them!

if you're interested, here's a bunch of things I'm planning on doing sometime in the next little while, if I can :)
have fun!!

Thursday, May 16, 2013

You'll never guess what porter said

I had a naked child come up to me today (he won't potty train, but once he feels his diaper is full he'll take it off and run around naked until he brings me a diaper...) and says

"mommy look! perr (porter) has a big penis! LOOK MOMMY! a big peebus!"

yeah. that just happened.

and may I add in that he refused to stop saying it until I agreed? I tried to change the subject, he wouldn't give that to me :) crazy child.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

My Favorite Part

I've really reached my favorite part of pregnancy.

This little girl is about as big of a mover as her brother was/still is. She rolls and nudges and kicks and flips. There was one point it felt like she was running in circles like you could do in a circle underwater. I always have wished there was some thing you could hold over your stomach that would let you see straight in. Not like an ultrasound, but legitimately SEE what moves and karate action they're performing in there.

I'm in love with this little girl. She, I'm sure, loves her brother. They're already teamates. I slept at my mom's house last night and porter was in the porta crib in the same room as me. He starts yelling at me to wake up, wakes up the little miss and she kicks while he yells as if it was planned!

I've been really blessed to have not even noticed I'm pregnant for almost whole days. In another way it makes me sad though. I love being pregnant. even when I'm puking like I did with porter, or having huge headaches or dizzy spells with her. It's such a miracle. I don't have to  fight as long or as hard as some, but I have to fight my own long and hard battles to get pregnant. The process consumes me, and it's often a very hurtful process (especially when I am blessed with a baby and then proceed to lose it.)

I want to enjoy every day. I want to look back on every pain with gratitude because it meant I was that much closer to holding my little girl in my arms. I fought for her, I cried for her, I waited for her, and I still can't believe that I was finally blessed with her.

Porter is still hard as most 2.5 year olds are, but he's a complete gem. He's so loving and caring. He's so sweet spirited AND handsome. He's polite and almost always uses his Please and Thank You's. He's so creative and so immaginitive. He loves to be outside in the sunshine. He's the easiest kid in the world to put to bed, and sometimes asks for it. He knows just how funny and cute he is and finds joy in practically everything. He's amazed by the world, he's curious as can be and he's grateful for things that most would just expect out of life.

I have to say you guys, I am just so twitterpated with my life right now. It's not perfect, and I have my fair share of trials, but I'm so aware of all the wonderful blessings I've been given that the hardships are so much easier to bear.

It blows my mind that the world is mostly full of people who search their whole lives to find someone who they can fall in love with and spend the rest of their lives with, to find the one thing that makes them feel happy and sucessful, when I found it at such a young age. I can't imagine what else there is in life besides this. It's who I was meant to be. It's what I was made for.

waking up every morning to this
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