Reflection

I'm sitting here on New Years Day all by myself in the really horrid spare room (that i never got around to cleaning) and I have been working on it for the last few hours and i took a break to pause and think about what me cleaning this room bare really does mean for me. I have already thrown away big things that are a big deal to throw away. I have taken apart a HUGE book case that drew bought fromt the D.I. before his mission and has had through different houses, has held many books and pictures from his life, it had so many scratches on it from different things and I took it apart and threw it in the dumpster. I took an old vacuum that has been sitting in a closet for the last year and a half because drew's old roommates broke it and now it makes everything smell like really stinky feet, and i threw it away. I sat down in the crease on the carpet where the bookcase used to be and started looking at changing tables and dressers because I think I'm going to ask my dad if he'd want to build one for us as a birthday present or something because he is amazing at woodworking. I looked at those things, realized what a huge change is coming upon us.
We are throwing away old memories that we love dearly, but we realize that those memories don't need to be consistent in our lives anymore because we won't forget them just because that picture isn't hanging on the wall anymore. I just feel like I've grown up a lot in the last 2 weeks and I didn't even see it until it'd already happened.
Yes we planned for this wonderful child, but it doesn't mean we actually grasped the change that we needed to go through to prepare for them to come. We have been maturing and everything seems to be growing in our family now.
First off My love for drew. I have always loved him. From over 2 years ago when he tapped me on the shoulder and asked me to dance, I have always loved him. It has grown more and more every day. Then we were able to enter the amazing bond of Marriage. I have never ever felt anything like it before. If you are not married than I am so sorry and I don't mean to be rude but you have NO idea how amazing it is until you are there.
Now I look at him and not only do I see the amazing husband he has been, but the incredible father he is is becoming. I see the way he interacts with our niece and the way he looks at children all around us. he is so excited and i love to see his eyes imagine life with our sweetheart.

Next is something I really can't explain. The love I have for this tiny baby in my tummy already after only a few weeks. I won't go into details but I am blown away and completely humbled that I am able to be blessed with the trust to look over this tiny life and it is my responsibility to keep myself healthy so that this baby will have the best chance it can get.

My love for my family has grown more and more as they get excited and their support has been unmeasurable. I didn't know how anyone would react because we didn't really tell anyone that we were trying for this wonderful blessing and my family and his family have already been the biggest help with everything!

Last but never ever ever least I really really have become much more quick to think of heavenly father in every moment of my life. I can't really understand sometimes why he loves me so much and trusts me enough to give us this child but I am so grateful for it.

Sorry I went off on a little rant... this blog was mostly for me to get my thoughts in one place and tell everyone how grateful I am. i may not have mentioned you but most of you have helped me through some really really tough spots in my life at one point or another and without each and every one of you I may be somewhere in my life that is absolutely different than where I am. so you, yes you, I am so incredibly grateful for you :) I really am. I'm not just saying it, i really feel it from the bottom of my heart. Even if we never ever got along ha ha ha ha I really am grateful for everyone.
Have a wondeful new year and I hope that everyone enjoys it as much as I know I will :)