Spiritually Reprimanded by an 18 Month old.

Just a tiny short story for you:

I made dinner Friday night. Spaghetti, since we have nothing else and need to go shopping on Monday. I got Porter's Plate ready and set it in front of him, I got my plate ready and sat at the table with my back to porter,  I picked up my silverware and was met with an incessant "mom MOM MOM moom MOm ". I sigh turn around exasperatedly and say "WHAT!". He narrows his eyes and in one swift move, slaps each hand to the opposite elbow (essentially folding his arms) and bowing his head.
My sweet little heavenly angel boy was so upset with me because I had forgotten to bless the food!
I hurried and folded my arms and said a prayer to which he ended nan-nan

I love the blessing he is to me. seriously this kid is awesome. 

"another soul to marvel over"

I was just reading This Blog and I just loved the way she was talking about things that when the time comes I'm sure I'll be just as nervous and excited. I got so nervous when porter was born my mom had to come up and force feed me. But that little boy of hers is so adorable. I look forward to the day when I can just snuggle up with my porter boy and have a conversation about whatever is in his head. Porter was the least snuggly little boy ever. I like to say often (so you've probably heard it before) that from the time he learned to hold his head up he never put it back down on my shoulder. He's slowly becoming a little more affectionate and I love it. OH he makes my heart just burst with love. He was sick for the last week with croup and fortunately he had a really mild case. We never had a bad night and he only had one day where I genuinely thought about taking him to the hospital but he read my mind and kicked his lungs into gear and did fine. Because he was so sickly he wasn't in the mood to be his crazy self and just wanted to watch a movie and snuggle with mom or watch dad play BaBall (basketball) on xbox and snuggle with dad. He LOVES the mickey mouse club and every morning we wake up and eat and then watch mickey figure out puzzles while he either stands in the middle of the room, thumb in mouth staring at the tv. or he snuggles right up to me and lets me scratch his scalp and feel those wonderful round cheeks and take a few big breaths so I can take in that wonderful unique scent he has. 

Yesterday he did the funniest and cutest thing so far. he  makes a smacking kissing sound around the house, but when he kisses he still makes the muuuuah sound. He switched that up yesterday when he came up to my face and quickly kissed me as many times as he could in a short space of time like a bunch of pecks really fast. He was basically making out with me. Smushing his face into mine for longer than he ever has before giving me so many kisses. I was giggling and broke apart from him and he looked at me, laughed, raised his sweet chubby fingers to my cheeks and held my face still as he could and did it again. smack,smack,smack,smack,smack,smack muuuuuuaaaah. I was laughing so hard and trying to kiss him back and take in the opportunity to kiss my little, soft, round faced, blue eyed, little boy. 

Anyway, back to the blog, I loved the way she worded her excitement that she gets "another soul to marvel over". I have never found a sentence more true. These aren't just children. They are hard, funny, frustrating, hillarious, tiring, adorable, thoughtful, true, givers, takers, just wonderful little experiences. I wonder if he knows just how much I marvel over his reactions, the way he graciously goes out of his way to make me smile, how quickly he learns, the way he leans his head over to the side of his chair when he's tired, the way he bashfully gives me the sweetest smile while raising his shoulders almost to cover his face (can you think of the look? it's flirty and bashful at the same time) the way he leans over me and lays his head on my chest for a few seconds to show he cares, the way he checks with me when he is scared to do something, the way he looks to see if i'm not looking if he's going to do something naughty aes vb bgg the WAy he insists with messing with the computer if I'm on it ( I left some of his work for you if you couldn't tell) the way he kicks his foot up when he dances because of the hot dog dance. I kinda love the crazy scrunched up face he makes for pictures..... I love this little soul. when he learns to stop hitting he's going to make an awesome big brother... when I give him the chance to be one :)

Happy Sunday!

Reminiscing

In a week or so my little boy turns 18 months old. ( 1.5 years.) I had the wonderful opportunity to go and see one of my very closest friends in the hospital 2 days ago the day after she had her sweet baby boy. He was a healthy 9lbs 4 oz. which is one pound one ounce heavier than porter was. As I cuddled that sweet miracle I fell instantly madly in love with him and my heart broke from holding so much excitement and joy for Jelli. I eventually handed Liam back to his mom and watched her coddle her hours old child. I had the strangest flashback sitting in that room to days that seem so far away yet so recent. The birth of my own sweet boy. I honestly hadn't thought about his birth or my hospital stay much at all until this point. 

I remember knowing I was getting an epidural the first time I gave birth for sure. So the second I couldn't speak through them I asked for a cure. I remember having the night to sleep but never using one minute of my painless labor for rest because I was far too excited to meet my son. I recall having to push an 8 pound baby out of my tiny hips (which are now more like normal hips) and having the pressure of it all freak me out. I remember asking one question to try and distract me from the sensation of my bones moving apart to allow the passage of a human being and not having my husband or the doctor or the nurses tell me what color the hair they were telling me about was. I can see them lifting him onto my stomach and handing me a towel telling me to clean him off and being surprised   shocked at how he looked exactly like my baby pictures. My first though literally was " he looks like a sam not a porter". I remember that after a few minutes they took him to the bed at my feet to check him out and being so distraught that he was crying and drew wouldn't talk to him to comfort him because I KNEW that if he would start talking porter would know who his daddy was. Nursing was much easier than I expected. I got so lucky to have a baby who just knew how to latch. I remember being able to stand pretty well right away regardless of them trying to take all my weight. Sitting in a wheelchair and being handed this tiny fragile person and being terrified they would stop short while pushing me and he would fly out of my arms and break. My hairy little boy who cried during his first bath but was 100% soothed by warm running water on his skull. The fact that he was awake for 4 straight hours after his birth, so curious of the world and what was in it. He looked around and even when we laid him down in his little plastic bed he would not stop gazing at the room. Finally draping a blanket over the side of the plastic bed so he couldn't see there was a world out there to examine and having it take 30 seconds for him to fall asleep once we made that move. I remember panicking when he choked on his mucus for the first time. Bawling when he did it 4 more times and finally begging the nurses to take him for the night so I could stop worrying that he'd die if I slept only to have nightmares that the nurses wouldn't catch it either. I remember thinking about going home, and feeling my chest tighten up. Never feeling this degree of worry before. I remember getting out of my hospital bed, climbing on to drew's couch, tucking my knees up to my chin and covering myself with a blanket because I needed to NOT have a panic attack. I remember driving home with him for the first time, and i remember turning over and seeing my 4 day old baby blue and shaking because he could not breathe. I also remember the way he looked at me. The way he fell asleep at my breast. How soft his hair was and the way it curled when it got wet. I remember having a baby with brunette hair on his head, arms, back and those awesome sideburns. I remember my mom staying with us and taking care of me and making me eat even when she was going through a rough time herself. 

I know this is major long but I don't know how long I'll remember those first few days and I've never actually sat down and thought about the details. Being a mother is the hardest and best thing in the world. I love how he tears the house apart, pulls couch cushions off and spreads food into every corner and then turns to me and wraps his arms around my shoulder and neck making me forgive everything he had just done. I just can't believe that He went from this. 

to this. 

Chchchchchchanges!

Porter is changing every single day. He learns new words and does new things.

Just in the last week. Porter has MASTERED Mowe (more) and Chee (cheese) and Baw (Ball) He said Sains (Thanks) once last week after I gave him his milk. This kid is amazing! He does the funniest thing though, He takes my ipod, turns it around, holds it out from his face, scrunches his face up and says Chee!

aka. he takes a picture of himself. He's also wicked into basketball. If you're in the back of the house and he hears the word basketball he'll book it to the living room pick up a ball and dunk it in a little nerf basketball hoop we have. (We know what he's getting for easter can you guess?) He loves to go up to people and wrap his arms around them to give the best bear hugs and he'll just run up to me and kiss me all the time. He also will blow ANYONE  a kiss.

He has this boisterous almost forced laugh because he thinks something is funny and he wants YOU to think it's funny too. 

Seriously I wish each of you could come and spend a day with this kid because he's seriously the happiest cheesiest easygoing kid you will ever meet! 

here's a tidbit of awesome.

I'll be taking a lot more videos because pictures just don't do this personality justice.

Bliss

Today, well just now I had a pure moment of heaven.
I had to wake porter up from his nap so he could eat dinner and go to bed at 9 or 10 hence sleep in until one of those times in the morning.
Now in order for you to grasp this moment of mine I have to tell you who he really is.
Porter sits straight up at the sound of his door opening whether he is awake or not. Porter when asked to cuddle will lean his head down on your shoulder for....mmmm.... 2.5 seconds (just enough time for you to start to sigh but not enough for you to finish it.) he also won't really sit and play with just you and if he does it almost always ends up in him smacking me or digging his fingernails into my gums or something...

so today. I open his door and see this rambunctious toddler lift his head off his bed, turn it to the other side and lay it back down. I gently walk up to his crib, lay my hand on his back with his eyes all a flutter and rub it with my thumb. He whimpers enough for me to pick him up but is clearly not ready for bright lights and dinner time. I take my little boy and lay down on the recliner in his room setting him on my chest. he wiggles down to the side of me and finds this little crevice along my ribcage where he fits perfectly and just sucks his thumb and holds my hand. After a few minutes of this bliss he wakes up a little more and climbs up straddling me and looking deep into my eyes with that melt your heart smile. I fall into those chubby cheeks and then I tell him softly how much I love him. Somehow that smile gets even wider as he reaches out those baby fat hands (you know the ones with the fingers bulging around the knuckles that are just dimples) and he softly and gently strokes my face. He holds them there just rubbing these amazing soft hands across my cheeks until he leans in hands still on cheeks and plants a 5 second smooch right on my lips, sound effects and everything. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmuaaaahhhh!
I smile and thank him so enthusiasticly but before I finish he again pulls my face towards his and kisses me. I do the same so I'm sure we looked absurd hands on cheeks planting kisses every chance we get. He then keeps my face in his palms and just starts telling me about the magical world he sees (if only I could understand) in words that seem to be very real to him in fact, why aren't they words? He states things matter of factly and even takes one hand off my face to shake his pointer finger at me to prove a point.
I can't remember the last time I was THAT happy. just caught up in the moment with my 17 month old ( why is he getting so old?) super content to stay there forever. until he opened and closed a fist saying "meeehh" which means he wanted milk.
I'm so lucky.

oooh Look! Trippy!

I'm writing. Phew. 

My darling Husband is constantly schooling and then going straight from school to work TAKING THE COMPUTER WITH HIM. 

We have one car and one laptop. 

AND when he is home at the same time as me he usually chooses that time to either do homework or look up how to do a certain thing on his xbox game. 

What have YOU been up to? 

I had the craziest month ever. like seriously ever. 

I went to southern utah to see one of my best friends get married without my baby and without my husband. It was awesome and I'm so happy for her! And shame on me I seriously didn't take one picture. I FORGOT my camera at the temple (which is where the wedding occured and NO you can't take pictures inside but you can outside) and then I also forgot it at the reception. BOOOO I'm horrible.

I got home on Sunday. 

Then I unpacked, and then I washed everything and packed again because on thursday that week Porter and I jumped on a plane and flew to California!!

First Drew and I went mini golfing with his family at this ADORABLE mini golf course up here in logan. 

he's so cute.

This is the punk getting his wiggles out RUNNING around the airport with me in close tow.

Friday we Went to Huntington Beach which was so much fun!! check out these awesome pictures I took. yep I'm awesome.

you know you missed my cockiness.

 This is my PaPa

 My hair is horrid.. but oh well.

and this is my broha Jarom

 I'm seriously going to photoshop out that weird part of my hair

 My dad let porter pick something out of the Harley Davidson Store and he REALLY wanted that cat.

you see the reason I went to california with my family and without my husband Is my Grandparents (father's parents) live in orange county as well as my Aunt and 2 cousins. 

That friday was my Grandma and Grandpa's 50th anniversary and my Dad and Aunt threw them a surprise party.

They had NO IDEA we were there and it was so rewarding. 

she cried and the first thing she actually said was "and Sammie came too!"

I can't tell you how much I love those two seriously I HATE that I live so far away from them.

facebook pictures of the party :Here

I hope that works

Porter was exhausted that day because he had only had a 20 minute nap and we were up forever but he was such a trooper!

Saturday I went and saw a friend who was in california at the same time :)

Alex aka aj whom I've mentioned once before

He had never met porter so that was awesome!

Then we went to an Aquarium at Long Beach which was really fun! I got to touch jellyfish, sharks, stingrays and porter and I touched starfish and anemones!

 I loved that he's old enough to get excited by animals!

 Look at that face!

 this makes me smile, doesn't it make you smile?

 you can't see it but there's a zillion little jellyfish in there and he was just pressed up against that glass trying to see everything!

 touching Starfish

 Anemones

Drew and I had this thing after he showed me forest gump a year or so ago. we wanted to know if it was a real company. it totally is. so I took this picture for him.

Friday afternoon porter bonded with my grandpa. it totally warms my heart because I love that man to death. he makes my heart feel like it's growing every time I think of him so it meant a lot that he spent some time with porter even though he's usually feeling so crummy.

 Also.. this is Star. she's basically a horse. but she's called a dog.

Sunday we went to Chilli's and had to leave to go home :(

but I'd missed Drewby lots. 

 This is Jarom, Jake (cousin) and Auntie Kim

 Jane (cute step-mom) Grandpa and Grandma

 

Um. who is that girl? oh. me!

you love me! Don't you!?

This makes me laugh so hard!!! she was driving the book/car into his chest and they were both laughing hysterically! 

Bliss in my opinion  

 

 Look at that face!

He got his own kids meal and ate tons!!! seriously!

 

 we then came home relaxed, and took daddy to school. meanwhile I got this awesome picture of my long haired son. (should I cut it or let it grow out?)

So now you've survived my insanely long blog post. tell me, did you miss me? 

if so feel free to donate a shiny new laptop to the cause. 

Poor Porter

We had Port's One year check up this week
it was horrible and hillarious.
while waiting in that room for the people to come in
he seriously was standing in the middle of the room just turning in circles.
then running to one side
then squeeling to the other side.
I thought bouncing off the walls was just a funny way of saying it
until he started doing it
holy cow
then the nurse came in and did a finger prick!
they don't take just a little blood from that they do the whole squeeze it until it fills up a tube and then some other dohicky while this little baby is crying.
torture. I can take the shots but seriously I hate finger pricks!
then they weighed and measured him
:)
21 lbs and 30.5 inches
that's 25% and a whopping 75% for height
then he threw up (I'm sure it's from the trauma of the finger prick)
then the doctor came in and checked then he got his shots, cried for a minute and we were done.
no other side effects
UNTIL

he woke up at who knows what hour screaming
I picked him up and rocked him which never works but he was so tired that he started to fall asleep in my arms. I was in heaven.
until.
he started twitching and crying like pain crying again.
i freaked and screamed for drew who came in and we checked for spider bites because porter does NOT twitch like that...
there were no bites but he couldn't straighten his leg without pain so I tried something drastic for us
I took him into our bed.
now drew once a month ago got achey for some porter snuggles so he picked him out of bed at 2 in the morning and brought him into bed with us. Porter woke up instantly and started playing. so much that we put him in his bed and he fell right back asleep.
so I had little hope this would work but my mama instinct told me to take  him there.
lo and behold he cuddled right up to us and fell asleep
until he woke up and whimpered in pain, reached his little hand out felt we were there and fell back asleep again.
I loved and hated it since we got no sleep and were so scared of smooshing him. but he cuddled. I love my baby cuddles.
around I'd say 5 he woke up decided he wasn't THAT tired and tried to stand up and play.
I took him to his bed and he slept in until 10a.m. (yup you heard me)
at which point he could stand and walk without  any pain.

weird? I think so.
but that poor baby had a horrible night. I love seeing a glimpse of that little tiny thing I once knew :)

Oreoooo

Why yes one is blurry but his expression is so cute it goes up too.

today we sat down and ate an oreo each. 

well no I ate more than one but that's besides the point

I held up the camera and he caught a sight of me with an oreo in my mouth and laughed

Then every time I held up the camera he smiled a big old smile just for it

it's wonderful.

don't you just melt for that squinty eyed 6 toothed messy oreo smile?

also we went on vacation last week. I'll tell you about that when I've had a chance to settle after all that togetherness

Do I have good luck or what???

I follow 2 yes two blogs of people I don't know. 

one. two.

I've mentioned them both on here before. 

That's So Cuegly 

and
Nat The Fat Rat

Nat is an actual fun family blog and Cuegly is a artsy fashion creative blog.

as of today I have won a giveaway from BOTH!!!

I swear I've never won anything and now I'm getting giveaways!!

I'm so happy!

ok well now that's over.

Porter and I got to watch a parade that goes right by drewby's mama's house this morning. 

and he did my favorite thing he's ever done.

he waved and smiled at EVERYONE!! 

(except the noisy ambulance and fire engines/trucks)

He is walking like a mad man you guys. 

seriously

It's like he FORGOT how to crawl

because he will stand up and go

even if he falls on the first step, he will keep going till he gets it!

ahh!

10months old and he's already GOOD at walking! 

I'm so doomed. 

but it's horribly adorable.

also he's totally gotten a bit of parent magnetism starting up.

he wants to be held by mommy and daddy

just chill on our laps

and if we're lucky?

ohhhh we love to be lucky

we get a 2 second head lean.

ALSO

I must say if he's in the right mood 

(like all boys)

he will lean in and plant an open mouthed (sometimes with a lick involved) kiss on my lips!!!

if I ask oh so persistantly

come on, give me a kiss! (smacking sound) come on! kiss??? 

I love being a mommy!

oh here is a picture of him 

I put balls in his shirt and gave him boobs.

I know sick crazy mom. 

blah on you

we have fun!

see!?

Another video :)

He gets so excited when we watch phinneas and Ferb :) he's hillarious. and far too active.

my thoughts on nursing and choking...

I really miss nursing... 

I read a bunch of posts and stuff about it and I really miss it.

actually offered porter the breast the other day 

(the one that doesn't exist anymore yes and yes it's weird because he wouldn't get anything .. maybe a drop)

do you know what he did??

he bit me

no not like nibble.

HE BIT ME!

hard

and caused blood to come out..

and if you get hurt there... it hurts BAD.

what did he do after/while he was biting me?

giggle.

my son has lost his marbles.

wait.. no that's me.

oh and today.

he choked like full on gag because I can't take in any air choke.

why does my baby like to choke?

(yes yes it has been a whole 10 months since he's actually choked but still.. that's too often)

so I dropped what I was doing (dishes. be proud)

yanked him out of his high chair

flipped him almost upsidedown and proceeded to do the baby heimlich. 

(everything keeps telling me I'm spelling it wrong... I think it's right)

first he coughed, then he vomited,

then he inhaled. 

(then finally I did too) 

then he actually held still in my arms and I held him close appreciating the life he still has in him.

ugh. 

I hate thinking about losing him. 

I feel like I lose a bit of myself whenever the though crosses my mind.

and is it creepy/ premonitiony that I think about it super often?

I once had a primary teacher who said she used to think all the time about "what if (daughter) suffocates in a plastic bag"?

then.

the horrible thing actually happened.

I would cease to exist. 

and yet I think all the time that I might lose him early.

blah I"m all morbid now.

cheer me up?

Ps. my boob is now fine thank you

flat. but fine.

(I totally should have just pumped even after he stopped taking breast milk just so I could keep the boobs...)

Looking back

I was able to see my little boy for the first time in January of 2010. '

I teared up just looking at my little one kicking and squirming around already

I had the thought go across my mind wondering if I would get a girl or a boy

wondering about what the future held

what it would be like to hold that wonderful person in my arms for the first time

I look back now and think, how crazy

how crazy is it that it was even a possiblility in my head that he could have been a girl? 

because it's so obviously perfect for me to have my little boy, and he is a boy through and through. 

how crazy that I was only thinking of the first time I got to hold him and not how I get to hold him every day after that.

How crazy that I didn't know his personality

how crazy that I didn't know he'd have BLUE eyes

how crazy that I didn't know what it was like to hold my own flesh and blood

how crazy that I didn't know (still don't) how powerfully I can love a being

how crazy that the little wiggling thing on that picture, IS my sweet, giggly, smiley, independent, tough, exploring, active mama's boy. He just hadn't grown up yet. 

The craziest thing at all:

to think that there was ever a time before 

HIM