I had been back and forth about induction for a million
selfish reasons, and a few real ones for a while now. I was sitting at 5cm
dilated and talking with my midwife about what I should do and I finally
decided that IF the hospital was free and clear the next day, I would go in. if
it was busy, then I’d happily take that as a sign and stay home.
Friday, July 19 I call the hospital who tells me they aren’t
busy, and to come straight in.
Drew and I walk in the hospital, get checked in, and start
getting settled in my room. My nurse was just doing her job, but she obviously
didn’t know my plan, and she obviously was out of her comfort zone when I stood
up for what I wanted. She tried to get me hooked up to an IV, but I told her
that I believed it was agreed upon that I’d just get the hook up in case I
needed it. She tried to tell me that without Pitocin, I would sit there in a
hospital bed without contractions. I replied (nicely) back that since the plan
was to break my water to start contractions, we’d just start with that. She
reluctantly agreed and went to get the equipment.
Julie (my midwife) was in the or with a
patient who was delivering her twins, so she had the on call ob come and break
my water to try and bring on labor. I was instructed that Julie was going to go
to an appointment and she’d be back either when I called her or in a few hours
when my contractions were picking up.
Well contractions came and went and since I was prepared to
use hypnobabies, I popped in my headphones and went to work focusing and
relaxing through each pressure wave/contraction. Drew was worried and kept a
keen eye on the monitors (which hated when I was doing anything but sitting
still in bed). I don’t know why they let us come into the hospital because they
obviously were shorthanded for the amount of babies they were delivering that
day. My nurse only came in to check on me at first and once to leave a bag of
Pitocin on the counter reminding me that if I wanted Julie to deliver my baby,
I only had until 5 that afternoon to do it. (I knew she had a prior engagement
beforehand, but I was pretty dang confident that my second labor would be
shorter than my first which would put me HOURS under the time limit to get
Julie.) She then said that they had better pick up or I’d have to get hooked
up. The pressure got more intense, but I was calm and able to easily focus and
get through them without any pain at all.
After a while, the
baby’s heart rate went down really low on one contraction, and then just
normally low on the rest. This is normal, but Drew didn’t know that, and the
poor man was sitting there watching me, at a loss of how he could do anything,
without anyone there to ask questions to so he started asking them to me. This
of course, broke my concentration, and wham bam all of a sudden things started
to feel much different. Drew tried to call for a nurse, but no one came.
Finally after him freaking out (again understandably so) and I had to try to
calm him down which in turn made things worse for my stronger and harder waves
I finally told him that I couldn’t do this and I told him that I needed
something to kill the pain. I was so sad and at such a loss that without
support, with me having to reassure someone besides myself, and without help
from a nurse or anyone who actually knew what they were doing, then I was
doomed.
When drew was FINALLY able to find the nurse (the lady at
the counter was on the phone and could not be disturbed) I told her that I
needed to be checked. If I had not progressed, then I would concede and get the
epidural. I was at an 8. Smack dab in the middle of transition. She called
Julie who was just leaving to come anyway, and then she came to help me.
Finally. At this point I was losing myself with each contraction. The intensity
and power of my body honestly was getting to be more than I knew how to handle
without the focus and concentration I had planned on with hypnobabies.
(seriously… should have got a doula). My nurse came over during one of them and
pushed on my knees, putting enough pressure on my hips through that motion, and
it gave me something to hold on to. Drew finally had a job, he finally had
someone to ease his worries, and I was able to find ways to take attention off
of what was happening. I found that moaning and screaming helped SO much, but
not because it hurt (although it hurt. By this point the pain was insane and
like nothing I’ve ever experienced) but because it gave me something to focus
on besides the pain. So each contraction/wave I took ice chips in my mouth and
started crunching, had drew run over and shove my knees towards me, and I
covered my mouth and screamed (so as not to disturb anyone else and again to
have something to focus on that would trump what was going on in my abdomen).
I had the nurse check me again when I felt like something
else needed to happen. I didn’t feel like pushing per se, but I wanted to be
doing something productive. This sitting here and trying to get through
contractions wasn’t satisfying me at all anymore. The nurse said I had a lip of
cervix left and that I couldn’t push because yada yada the cervix could swell
up. BULL. I’m a reader. I’ve read an insane amount on labor this pregnancy and
EVERYTHING I’ve read says that when there’s only a lip left, it can be very
likely that pushing with someone pushing the lip out of the way can be at least
attempted and then backed off of if things start to look wrong.
She kept saying not to push, and I kept saying ok, but still
slightly pushing to see if it felt better than a contraction. I started second
guessing myself and asked the nurse for just a little bit of fentenal to take
the edge off until I could push. She pushes the nurse call button and the
person on the other end couldn’t hear my nurse and kept asking “what was that?
I can’t understand you, what? What was that?” while the speaker was right in my
ear during an insanely strong contraction. I actually yelled at my nurse at
that point saying never mind, I didn’t care, just make her shut up.
Julie walks in and the air comes back in the room again. I
feel like I no longer have to be the one to fight for what I want, I have a
knight in shining armor. She slips on the gown as she’s informed that I have a
lip left, she starts ignoring the nurse, turns to me and tells me to listen to
my body.
I could have kissed her.
I push a little at the end of that contraction, and Julie
asks if I want to push in the position I am in or not. I tell her no, and I’d
like to turn over.
One contraction is spend on my side. I flip over on my
stomach, head just over the upwardly reclined bed, gripping the top, and then I
get another contraction where I actually start pushing. Things take off on
their own and I feel her moving downwards. I get a ten second break where I
feel like pushing between a contraction, and I do. The next one hits and I feel
her moving down, down, down and then a pop. No ring of fire, just a pop. 2 second break. A little more pressure and
another pop as my sweet husband grabs ahold of her shoulders with Julie and
brings her into this world.
I collapse on my stomach without the strength to turn around
and look at my new daughter and I hear my wonderful husband try to tell me, his
voice catching in his throat “sam, she’s so beautiful!” he was in complete awe.
That in itself was more rewarding than seeing her actual face. After about a
minute I find the strength to turn around and I’m handed my little girl.
After another minute the cord stops pulsing and Julie had
drew cut that as well.
We only had one hiccup where the nurse without me even
noticing hooked me up to Pitocin and Julie noticed and got after her and told
her to stop, that she only does that if there is a problem, and with me there
was obviously no problem.
I gave drew the reins on naming her while we were in the
nursery.
Addilyn Rae.
I’m so dang in love.
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