Why yes. I'm going to make a post about sex. weird right? First. I'll tell you that my computer went kaput and won't turn on anymore so that sucks. We're back down to one computer. So I'm going to be a little scarce.. but not if I can help it.
Anyway. I was watching Grey's Anatomy as I often do. (I'll say spoiler alert. so if you haven't seen the new episode then... get over it or don't read or something) One of the Characters cheated on his wife. They were trying to work through it and they kept saying "it was just sex". I don't know why but that just drove me crazy. I don't know how everyone else thinks, but to me, sex is not just sex.
When I was a naive teenager I knew I wanted to be with one person and one person only for the whole of my life. BUT I didn't know why exactly. I knew it was a sacred thing, that you're sharing yourself with someone, but I didn't get it. I didn't see why it was such a huge deal to maybe do it before you were married and why people were so harshly judged for it. I thought that maybe there was such a thing as "just sex".
I distinctly remember a day about a month after I was married when I got it. I mean REALLY got it. I understood why my thoughts as a teenager had been so wrong. Sex, to me, is giving yourself to someone. I mean genuinely. As a wife I have never known love so deeply profound, save being a mother. Even then motherhood is a different degree of love than the love I have for my husband. Sex is sharing a piece of your soul, it's saying I trust you completely, saying I know you accept me for who I am. It is such a profound personal gesture. (don't get me wrong, it's a whole lot of fun too)
I would rather my husband start to fall for someone emotionally and then realize the mistake and bring his feelings back to me than to physically (and in my mind spiritually) betray me. In my mind it's such a conscious choice to sleep with someone. There are so many things involved where you could not go there.
The other night I had a nightmare. Probably the worst one I've ever had. I woke up more devastated than I knew I could feel. It felt like my whole chest had collapsed and I couldn't get any air.... like my soul had imploded. The dream was that I discovered that as we had been dating, Drew had slept with 3 people. 2 friends (I won't name anyone because that could get very weird very fast) and one girl who for a very long point made it almost her mission to make life very very hard for me. When I confronted my husband he only said that it didn't matter, to get over it because he wasn't doing it anymore and he'd stopped when we got married.
That's my worst fear and I thank the heavens that I married one of the most loyal men out there.
anyway.. It just really bothered me that there are people out there who think that there is such a thing as "just sex" especially when i comes to betrayal.
I agree that sex is not "just sex", but I disagree in the fact that I think emotional betrayal (ie: your husband falling in love with another woman) would be just as, if not more, hurtful than an affair that was purely physical. First, because if someone is connecting emotionally with a person who is not their spouse, they are almost always having some sort of physical relationship with that person anyway. And second, because I think the reasons for a physical affair (a lack of sex in the marriage, one person letting themselves go, losing the spark, etc.) are more easily fixed than the reasons behind an emotional affair. I don't know, I just think I would be really hurt if my husband came home and told me he had feelings for, or was in love with, someone else!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, don't get me wrong.. I agree sex is not just sex! I just think either way would be extremely hurtful!