Porter had surgery and has been such a trooper when it comes to keeping his gauze cast on and such. He's so cute! We went to the doctor last week and they took it off and he flipped out seeing the stitches in his thumb :( we'd be able to survive with him wearing only a band aid over it now, but we had to wrap it all back up so he wouldn't fiddle with it when I wasn't looking. We SHOULD be able to take the stitches out and keep the cast off tomorrow! I'm so excited! I should go find you some pictures of the gnarly hand he has. BAM. AND HIS THUMB IS STRAIGHT!!!!!!
Well lately about the baby I have hit the weird middle stage, when I'm starting to show, but I don't know what it is and I don't have a name for it, and I haven't felt any movement so I just feel like I'm getting bigger but I dont' feel pregnant. It's been a little harder than normal because I haven't felt exactly connected to the baby yet. In my mind I should be so bonded because I'm so overjoyed and I really recognize how blessed I am to have this little one, but I haven't allowed myself to get too attached because of all the what if's that are all so terrifying. you know, "what if the reason I haven't felt movement is because it passed away", "what if I lose it later on" things like that.
I've developed a habit of placing one hand on my stomach at night when I lie down just in case I may possibly feel something. a nudge, a kick, a roll, a flutter, but nothing has come. I can feel my heartbeat pumping blood under my hand, but that's about it.
Last night I realized all of a sudden that about half a second before I'd felt a kick. The blood zooming around under my hand sometimes nudged my hand and made me think "was that?" but I usually realized it was nothing. This though, this was a kick, nothing that hard (or in such a small area) would come from pumping blood. I instantly burst into tears of relief, of happiness, of joy. The baby is ok and I'm so silly for ever having let those doubts get in my head in the first place.
I have my first appointment with my midwife on the 22nd, she will make an appointment at the hospital for my ultrasound to find out what the baby is at that time. Hopefully we can find out before the end of the month! I'm just so excited!!
I will do better at keeping y'all updated... I just need to get on my actual computer more! lol.
I call it the "too good to be true" syndrome, and I went through the EXACT same thing with Liam. I constantly was poking and prodding my stomach trying to get him to move because of the constant fear he wasn't there anymore. James had to give me a blessing before each doctors appointment because I would have anxiety attacks and I was sure they weren't going to be able to find the heartbeat. I think it happens a lot when you have difficulty conceiving, and I'm sure it is even harder because you miscarried last time. Hang in there, you're doing so good. Can't wait to find out if its a boy or girl!!
ReplyDeleteI totally had those moments. In fact, right after my water broke, the wiggles stopped and i was nervous, so i kept pushing her around, until she would kick. Hah. Apparently it is common for them to be very still before they are born, like they are resting up for all the hard work that is about to happen. The calm before the storm? Anyways, when my midwife arrived hours later with the doppler, it was a huge relief! Then i was able to just relax and labor the rest of the night, and i could check her with the doppler whenever i wanted. I loved that part. My midwife showed me how to feel for her little bodyparts, so i could put the doppler in the right spot. I honestly cant wait to feel a little body in there again. Best. Thing. Ever.
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